My mother met someone online — how do we check if it is a romance scam?
My widowed mother has an online boyfriend she has never met in person. He is kind on video calls but now needs money for a plane ticket. How do we handle this without pushing her away?
✓ Accepted answer
Start by treating any request for money as a major red flag, regardless of how charming the caller seems.
- Perform a reverse search. Use tools like Google Image Search to find if his photos appear on other sites, which often indicates a stolen identity used by scammers. The FBI warns that romance scams are the most financially damaging online fraud in the United States.
- Look for behavioral inconsistencies. Scammers often create complex, urgent stories involving military deployments, medical emergencies, or work visas. If he refuses a video call on your phone or claims his connection is poor while keeping calls short, exercise caution.
- Do not send money. No legitimate relationship requires financial support for travel or emergencies. The Federal Trade Commission states that once a victim sends funds, recovering them is nearly impossible because scammers often use unregulated wire services.
- Engage her with empathy. Instead of saying she is wrong, ask her to list what she knows about him. Gently point out discrepancies, such as a name that doesn’t match the email provider or a history that changes between calls.
- Set up a safe meeting protocol. If she insists on meeting, it must be in a public place during daylight, with you or a trusted friend present. Never let her provide her home address or financial details.
Remind her that she is not naïve, but that online predators target emotionally vulnerable individuals. Support her in keeping her digital footprint private and report suspicious accounts to the FTC or the Better Business Bureau.
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